Dalelorenzo's GDI Blog

I Wasn’t Prepared For Grown-Up Mean Girls

When my sons were small, we had frequent discussions about bullying -- what to do if they ensure it or suffered it. I laid out the different ways kids is likely to be bullied: physically, mentally, and emotionally, and throughout their early school years, the other mamas and I were always on high alert for the faintest aroma of bullying. Once the children made high school, the majority of members of us felt we’d established our children a sizable toolbox that would help them combat bullying.

But what about us? Who devised us for grown-up mean girlfriends?

Throughout most of my adult living, I’ve been surrounded by wonderful, welcoming maidens -- the style who go out of their channel to include outsiders, lift up those who hurt, and feel girls should support one another.

Everything changed when I moved from San Francisco to the DC exurbs. I observed myself immersed in a poisonous life of aging Alpha Females who were desperate to hold onto their youth, and if someone stepped the slightest flake out of line, they’d tear them down with nasty gleams, blatant exclusion, and bayonets in the back.

I was fascinated. It prompted me of high school shoved into better dressed and surgically adjusted forms. These gals disguised behind the facades of being genu in the" bless her nerve" path, but truthfully, they curved like sharks at the first inkling of weakness or at any recognized menace to their territory. If a outsider didn’t have the right look, the right residence, or the liberty various kinds of teenagers or husband, they weren’t declared. In detail, they were often gossiped about and ridiculed.

After a few years of observing this ruthlessness and the destruction it left, I felt I had a clear picture of how adult dames bully one another, and I wrote a tale based on my remarks. The response to the book fell into two tents: the first reaction was that real adult brides is not behave like this; the second reaction was, regrettably, that it reached too close to home. Among books who had knew adult bully, they cited 5 different ways females bully one another 😛 TAGEND


This can be subtle like posting and tagging images to someone on Facebook of a get-together they weren’t invited to, or it can be blatant like obliging schemes in front of someone and not asking if they’d like to come. Granted , no one is obligated to invite you anywhere, but there’s a clear, definite wrinkle between being species and being mean.

Inclusion Upon Rules

This is where the group gives adversity on themselves to look or behave in a certain way. Like in the movie" Mean Girls" where they always wear pink on Wednesdays, adult maidens will bully one another into what they deem socially acceptable. This is why eating disorders, feeling, and recession guides rampant among these groups of adult women.


Have you ever trod into an phenomenon, party, school, genuinely anything, and not known a single person? It can be nerve wracking, but someone were typically make small talk with you. Now imagine if you walked into that same gathering and knew various of the women there. They don’t affirm you, let alone invite you over. In happening, and surely you’re imagining it, they seem to be making fun of you. They giggle, turn their backs, huddle around a phone, laugh some more. Maybe you’re going crazy? Maybe it’s in your heading?


I think this is rarer among women than lovers, but spilled potions certainly fall in this category. So does jostle someone into a wall or casually bumping into them. The aim here is to intimidate in a physical way.

Obviou Harassment

Think about all those' 80 s and' 90 s movies we watched as boys. There was normally a courage who was openly humiliated and teased. Mean maidens do this to each other. They chatter. They spread rumors. They report things “out of concern.” They try to elevate themselves by knocking others down.

When you experience bullying, it’s hard to know what to do. After all, adult maids know better, right?


Bullying has no age limit and too many maids fall victim to the faux-sisterhood of female empowerment in which the only requirement is ripping other women to smidgens. That’s not the kind of “girl gang” anyone should want to belong to, but it is oddly alluring when it seems like you’re the only one left out.

Unfortunately, the toolbox I offset for my teenagers doesn’t work with adult bullies outside the workplace. There is no one to report the bullies to, and there are no importances for exclusion, gossip, or weight-shaming.

So what do you do?

After talking to dozens of women who have knew woman-on-woman bullying, I’ve detected our most important tool is self-care. Here are a few ways to protect yourself when being bullied.

Get off social media, or block the women who bully you.

Social media is a weird place. It can help us keep in touch with parties we care about, but it also can move us feel awful. If hearing pictures of get-togethers you weren’t invited to hurts, or you suffer from FOMO, or you are trying to keep tabs on your bully, you need to pause your social media. At the very least, block the women causing you pain. They aren’t your friends and do not need access to your( social media) live. While making the block button or get off Facebook can be scary, it’s likewise liberating to cut lethal affairs from your life.

Talk to a trusted friend/ sibling/ marriage.

Nearly every woman I know has knowledge some use of bullying. By sharing our stories, we realise we can not simply alone and having a pity ear can help frame our hurt in a more understandable way and authorize our feelings.

Talk to clergy or a healer.

If you find yourself in a position where you don’t have a close friend to talk to, speaking to a therapist or clergy member can assist you sort through your feelings and mark steps to bring more peace into their own lives. These parties are wonderful at helping us step back and learn the bigger picture that sometimes becomes lost when we’re consumed by the pain of bullying.

Positive pronouncements.

Bullying breaks down our self-esteem and can construct us disbelieve our usefulnes. It was sometimes difficult, but try are concentrated on three positive facets you retain. Remind yourself of them daily and give yourself permission to believe them.

Write it down.

As tempting as it may be to lash out, committing with a bully often solutions in increased bully. If you need to say angry things, write it down. The behave of putting our thoughts on paper can liberate the pent up exasperation we have over our circumstances and help us see the situation more clearly. Personally, when I tear up the symbols, I feel free of my foiling and hurt.


This is the toughest one, but I feel it is the most important. When we forgive, it’s not an absolution of someone else’s spiteful wars so much as a tool that allows us to move forward without sorenes. You do not have to tell your bully you forgive them, but trying to understand what exactly realise your bully act in the way they do, can bring clarity to the situation. Hurt people hurt people. Forgiveness heals.

If you are being bullied, you do not need to suffer, and "youre not" alone. Like kids, we do have a toolbox, and we can push back against bullying by taking care of ourselves emotionally, mentally, and physically.

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