manager wants to monitor my personal goals, when a client introduces his mistress, and more

This post, manager wants to monitor my personal goals, when a customer inserts his mistress, and more, was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

It’s five response to five questions. Now we go…

1. Our manager wants to monitor our goals for our personal lives

I recently started a new job where employees are expected to set regular points and check in with overseers about their progress. Although I find the duty kind of annoying, I entirely get why it’s a thing and am happy to set objectives related to my job performance, learning new knowledge, etc. The problem is we’re too expected to set aims for our personal life-time( starting a new diversion, locates you want to travel, etc .) and check in with management on their progress. This may seem like a spooky obscure of work-life balance to me. I miss the freedom to set( or not set) personal goals without worrying about updating my boss on their progress.

My employer residences a high value on culture fit, so I’m concerned that driving back on this ask will get me named as someone with a bad attitude/ not a team player. Is it worth telling my administrator I don’t want to be accountable to them for what I do off the clock, or should I precisely set some aims and keep lying to their progress to my superiors?

This is a huge overstep from your bos! It’s none of their business what purposes “youve got in” your personal being, or whether you have personal goals at all, or whether you meet them or not. What if the only personal goals you have are highly intimate ones, like booze less, separating from your insure mothers, or divorcing your marriage? Are you supposed to make up less personal ones to fulfill the terms of this exercise? Or what if you, like numerous beings, don’t have any particular purposes in your personal animation at the moment? Are you supposed to impersonate you want to, I don’t know, chew more vegetables exactly to satisfy your director? And even if you do have personal goals that aren’t particularly intimate — like saunter daily or predicting more — it’s still none of your employer’s business and it’s wildly inappropriate for your administrator to expect to check in with you about them.

Whether or not to push back or play along depends on your impression to seeing how your boss was a response, but you should be able to say something like, “I’m happy to check in on progress toward work points, but I’m not comfy bringing personal goals into work. So I’m going to keep this process focused on professional goals.”

But if you think it’ll be a big deal or you don’t want to spend the capital on it, there’s no chagrin in time acquiring up some forge but bland purposes( cleansing wardrobes, learning to knit, whatever it is ). Or inferno, you could come up with some machiavellian destinations –” I genuinely need to improve my job/ man equilibrium and carve out time for a real vacation — can you help with that? ” More here.

2. When a client interposes “youre going to” his mistress

This is a story about your best friend who for 10 times has been a guest attendant in a hotel. Mr. X is a frequent traveler and a loyal client at the hotel, and he often makes his wife. My friend and Mr. X became friends and comfy with each other. One daytime, Mr X checked in with a woman who he pioneered as his sweetheart and asked my friend to keep it a secret between them. What should my friend do?

If they were friends separate from work, your friend would have standing to tell Mr. X that cheating on his wife( if surely that’s what he’s doing) isn’t okay, and he could decide to back off from the friendship if he felt that he couldn’t in good faith continue it. But this sounds more like a work relationship, where he’s encountering Mr. X as a patient of his supervisor. Given that, there’s not really anything he can do here. He doesn’t have standing to notify Mr. X’s wife or lecture Mr. X on his behaviour( and he’d be doing that as one speaking on behalf of his supervisor, and his employer almost certainly wouldn’t be on board with that ). He can pull back to a more professional relationship with him if he’d like to, but that’s about the only reasonable alternative available.

3. How to apologize for ghosting my bos when I was in a bad region mentally

I got my first task out of college a year ago. I took it because I wanted to have a job, even though they are the payment and benefits were subpar for my environment, and initially I experienced it. But there needed to be me freed from my college friends and their own families, lives alone in a suburban area as the pandemic was ramping up, and work in an office where people were sincere but not awfully friendly.

I acquired it four months or so before I started to break down. My work was solitary, I’ve been wrestling with depression for almost a decade now( wow ), and I didn’t have the support structures in place that I’d left behind at academy and at home. So I started racking up unexplained needs from drive that I’d try and pass off after the fact with horrid justifies, when the truth was that I was just dreary at home and coming washed up to go be a functioning person at work felt like it was off the table. The response from senior personnel was concern , not anger, and at least one person was aware I wasn’t doing so well emotionally, which I’m really thankful for.

By the time I realise I probably shouldn’t have go the job in the first place, I was unhappy enough that I just wanted the whole situation to go away. I know a lot of people do absurd things when they’re in a bad neighbourhood mental-health-wise, and I was no exception; at the time, it seemed like my best option would be to ghost my employer( not kidding) instead of trying to explain anything. I got fired( plainly ), paid off my retention bonus, and ran away home, concluding the saga of my first” very position” in just about the most difficult behavior possible.

But all of that is in the past, and it’s my albatross to haul around from here on out. My question is just, how do I go about rationalizing for all of that , now that I’ve reached the stage of” cleaning up after yourself post-mental-health-meltdown “? I precisely want to write and say sorry for my succession of bad decisions but … how do you write a letter like that? What’s appropriate to include? How much message would my former handling/ coworkers even require? I don’t want to sound like I’m making forgives; I don’t want to make excuses, because even if I wanted to blame my mental health issues for all of it, I induced the decision to take the job in the first place. Does anyone I worked with actually want to read an apology letter like that, or are they all over it by now, given that it’s been months?

You don’t have to send an apology, but I’m sure an explanation would be appreciated — both because people were probably worried about you and so they have the right context when they look back on what happened. You don’t need to go into a ton of detail; you were able to simply explain that you were dealing with some difficulties outside of work( you could specify “health issues” if you wanted to, since mental health issues is health) and directed it mischievously and you apologize for causing them concern, you regard the efforts they made at the time, and you’re now doing better and didn’t want to leave things the space you’d left them earlier. That’s it! I pot they’ll be alleviated to receive it.

4. Emergency contacts must be over 100 miles away

My employer is asking for an emergency contact figure and numeral exclusively for someone over 100 miles away. I’ve heard this recommendation before but exclusively in the purposes of the houses trying to communicate with each other in a natural disaster scenario.

We are a small business that serves clients with high-pitched needs. We are all key works in a certain sense, me peculiarly! I absolutely understand having an emergency contact on file, or even two! If I was in a car accident with my disaster contact marriage, a back-up emergency contact would be useful so that they can inform my boss I am unfitted and they need to arrange coverage in order to make sure our patients are cared for. But to insist that one be over 100 miles away seems curious to me. If we have a regional disaster, and I’m able to contact my relatives in another state, I should also able to contact work.

In the grand intrigue of things, this is not a mound I’m willing to die on. I’m once one paw out of the door as I’m job hunting actively for other reasons. I’m curious if this is actually something worth prod back on, for significant benefits of other employees who may not know this is weird or if I’m merely bothered at everything and this isn’t actually all that weird, or actually helpful for a rationalization I’m blind to. Thoughts?

Why not ask them? The might have seen it on emergency preparedness inventories for other frameworks and not employ much thought into whether they really need it. Or who knows, maybe there’s some ground we’re both overlooking.

Either way, it doesn’t sound like something that you need to spend capital on unless you really want to. That’s especially true if you’re thinking of make it principally for benefit of other hires; if they’re bothered by it, they can say something.

5. I’m exempt — can my firm start me take my time off unpaid?

I am a salaried hire and I have a child due next year. My “maternity leave” is based off the amount of trip and sick leave accrued, which is not much because our vacation time starts over each year. After I use up my hours, they say it’s overdue but since I am a salaried spare hire, are they able to reduce my check if I decide to stay out longer?

Yes. If you’re exempt, they have to pay your full salary for any week where you perform any piece( with some narrow-minded objections) but when you’re out for full weeks, they do not need to pay you for that time.( If you’re thinking,” Great, I’ll time drive a few cases hours each week for months and get my full salary ,” that’s highly unlikely to work. They’d apparently tell you that you need to come back full-time, stay out completely until you’re ready to come back full-time, or convert to part-time hourly .) Nonetheless, any opportunity you and other hires there can push for real parental leave? It sounds like anyone in your office who has a baby in January would get zero paid leave( not even trip or sick period ), which is ridiculous.

You are also welcome to like: my boss expects me to share my personal health/ food/ spirituality/ fitness purposes every weekhow much fraternizing at work is too much ?do I certainly need to set personal goals after a abominable time ?

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