my coworker is enraged that I call my cat “my baby,” my interviewer called me a schmuck, and more

This post, my coworker is maddened that I call my cat” my babe ,” my interviewer announced me a schmuck, and more, was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

I’m on vacation. Here are some past notes that I’m constituting brand-new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.

1. My coworker screamed at me for announcing my feline “my baby”

I am a woman in my early thirties and my partner and I are childless by choice. We do, however, have a three-year-old cat we affection very much.

Today at work while discussing a blueprint for after occupation, I was indicated that I had to swing by the pet store and pick up some more soaking nutrient because I can’t have my child running hungry! ” One of my coworkers, Jane, lost his mind. She screamed at me that a domesticated isn’t a child, it’s insulting to parents that I can be attributed to him as such, and I’ll never understand what it means to be a parent. I was shocked into stillnes and she stalked off.

Later, I was announced into a had met with my bos. Apparently Jane had recently had a miscarriage( I honestly “d no idea” !) and she told my administrator I was mocking her for it. Thankfully my overseer knows me well enough that he was skeptical when she wreaked it up and fairly people were around to buttress the events.

I’m at a loss as to what to say to Jane, or if I should even say anything at all. I won’t pretend I understand better how much ache she must be in, and if all she had done was yell at me I recollect I’d be willing to brush it off. But she went to my foreman and lied and tried to get me in trouble.

So what do I do from here? Should I apologize to her even though I didn’t do anything wrong? Avoid her? Try to avoid call my cat my baby ever again? I’ve thought about expecting my supervisor to report the fact that she lied in case it ever happens again and I need a record, but that seems improbably brutal to be followed to the status of women who’s already lose so much.

I was prepared to be scandalized at Jane, but heartbreak can cause beings to behave in really peculiar courses. I’m strange about what Jane is like aside from this. If she’s ever seemed rational before now, I’d be inclined to figure that her suffering manufactured her genuinely misunderstand your words( as opposed to her deliberately setting out to lie about you ).

I don’t think you need to apologize. You didn’t say anything that it acquires impression to apologize for. If she was okay with you knowing about the miscarriage, you could tell her that you didn’t mean to upset her and you know she’s going through a tough time. But acquiring your administrator told you that in confidence … I’m coming down on the side of only making sure that your overseer be little doubt that you “ve done nothing” wrong( it sounds like that’s the contingency) and granting Jane a wide berth for a while. If anything else like this happens, at that point go back to your director to problem-solve because you can’t walk on eggshells around Jane forever, but for now I’d assume this was was one bad occurrence but won’t become a pattern( until and unless it does ).


2. I overheard my examiner “re calling me a” schmuck

I seemed to really hit it off with an interviewer during my final interview. I even had pretty good rapport with them prior to the opening of the final interview and was more than accommodating when they needed to reschedule this final interview and a previous phone interview. They stepped me out of the building after the interview was over and even then we had a pleasant conversation, which is why I find it odd that as soon as I went outside I heard such person or persons vigorously can be attributed to me as a “schmuck.” I’m not sure that they represented for me to hear this or how they came to feel this way about me, but I heard it exactly the same. The question is now should I simply ignore it and profess I didn’t hear it, or is it something that should be a deal-breaker in terms of me working for this person and this fellowship?

I wrote back to this letter-writer and asked whether it was possible the interviewer was talking to someone else( like jokingly announcing it out to a coworker ). He said 😛 TAGEND

There was no one else around and I was the last person they were speaking to, so I presuppose it was about me. They appeared to say it out loud to themselves as though they were thinking it. I suppose they could have been referring to the other interviewer, who was sort of obnoxious and actually hung up on my paucity of direct suffer though I do possess a lot of readily transferable knowledge. But I kind of suspense it. When I turned around to look, the person or persons was standing alone at the window. Their context is also open for debate; they may have been annoyed/ indignant about something I said or did or even something I didn’t do or say that maybe they felt I should have or may simply see me a chump for wanting to work there.

This is so weird, and I can understand why you’re taken aback! If there were someone else around, my money would be on them joking to such person or persons and it not being about you at all. But given the context you described … I have no idea! I represent, best event situation, they were chastising themselves( “You schmuck! You forgot to ask about Excel abilities! ”) or blaspheming somebody else( “That schmuck Fergus! He never showed up for his part of the interview! ”) … but that feels like a stretching. On the other hand, it also feels like a extend that an interviewer would have been so bursting to insult you that they’d make love like this.

If they really did aim it toward you, they’re probably not going to offer you the job( at least not if they’re the final decision-maker ), so at least there’s that. If someone else is the decider, though, then yeah, I’d be wary. In all such cases, remunerate a lot of attention to the other clues you’ve gotten and will continue to get about what the manager is like, what the culture is like there more generally, and how well you think you fit what they’re looking for. Maybe the examiner called you a schmuck, maybe they didn’t, and we probably can’t know for certain — so actually bending hard-handed on the other stuff you see is the way to go.


3. When your boss is at the next counter during your dinner interview

I’ve been bizarre about something for a while, and when you asked the question about Princess Peach, I thought of a question that I wanted to ask you about Rachel from Friends: In season 10, episode 14 of Friends, The One with Princess Consuela, Rachel has a job interview at a restaurant. When she gets to the restaurant, her current boss is having dinner there at the table right beside Rachel’s. Rachel tells her current boss ,” I’m on a date !” and when her possible employer shows up, she tries to carry on the lie 😛 TAGEND

Potential Employer: Your resume is quite impressive.

Rachel: I don’t know if I’d call my online date profile a resume.

When the examiner becomes mystified, Rachel tries to hint that her current boss is at the table beside theirs, to no avail. The vistum dissolves, and we catch out later that Rachel didn’t get the brand-new occupation and was fired from her old one for” not has become a team player .”

What I’ve always wondered is, what could Rachel perhaps have done to salvage this situation?

She could have gotten up from the counter, converge her examiner at the figurehead of the restaurant( so not within earshot of her boss ), and humbly said,” I have a very awkward situation here — my current boss, who doesn’t know I’m talking with you, is sitting right over there. Would it be possible to go somewhere else so that we can talk honestly ?”

But Rachel wasn’t ever truly a epitome of sound professional judgment( view: hiring Tag, sleeping with Tag ).


4. Can I say something to my friend’s boss about how overworked she is?

I’m hoping you can give me some advice on how to handle a situation. A close friend of mine is totally overworked: 70+ hours at her demanding task plus another 20+ hours a week take classes.

Lately she’s been so stressed that she can’t sleep, can’t gobble, and is now throwing up from distres. While I think there are some big problems at work about why she chooses to do this to herself, in the meantime I’m worried about her health.

Her boss has no idea that she’s working so much — and knowing her boss, he would be upset about it. To be honest, your best friend returns a lot of this on herself, simply taking on too many projects and not delegating when appropriate. She doesn’t seem willing to stir the changes to simply work “only” 50 hours a week.

I hate discover my friend do this to herself. My questions are what you might propose I say to her, and if you think it’s out of line to mention it to her boss( who I know socially from before they worked together ).

Ooooh , no, you can’t say something to her boss. That would be interfering in her professional life; that’s totally off-limits to you. She is a grown-up, and you have to respect her to ability to handle her working life herself. You can made in accordance with her selections, but you can’t overrule them by going over her psyche. It doesn’t matter that you know the boss socially; this one simply isn’t yours to be involved in like that.

All you can really do here is to be a friend to her: Express concern, tell her what you’re seeing, ask if she’s happy with how things are and, if she’s not, what she studies she could do to change them. You could also share your opinion that her boss would want to know how much she’s working. But that’s really it.


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