Dalelorenzo's GDI Blog
14Jul/210

updates: my coworker told everyone we’re married (we’re not) and more

This post, updates: my coworker told everyone we're married( we're not) and more, was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

It’s a special “where are you now? ” season at Ask a Manager, where all month I’m running updates from people who had their notes here answered in the past. Now are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. My coworker told everyone we’re married ... we’re not even dating

I didn't expect my question would even be published, let alone receive so many caring comments from the AAM community!

I merely wish my foremen and coworkers could have been that understanding. About a few months after the disruption room situation, I still felt like I was walking on eggshells to avoid my "husband" and I noticed the attitudes from my manager and coworkers modifying for the worse. I resolved up departing from a same racket that pays better, and is just a healthier environment overall. I detest how we call everything and everyone "toxic" nowadays, but that truly was a lethal environment in retrospect, and the lack of support from management and HR was finally the big red flag that transport me packing.

Some of the commenters mentioned stalking and security, because the man seemed a bit obsessed. While I've seen the chap a few epoch around township, there hasn't been any interaction between ourselves and I don't think he or any of my former coworkers are aware that I are working. Nobody's attempted to contact me, and I can breathe easier. I choose everyone at my old-fashioned job well; I hope they can learn from this situation, and I thanking all those who commented for their encouragement.

2. I resent coworkers coming back here from furlough (# 2 at the link)

I had writes to you about feeling bad that I resented my coworkers returning from furlough.

It has a happy dissolving. I got a promotion in recognition of the additional effort i had done, my positive position( I concealed my anger well) and my appraise to the company.

When I wrote to you, I was in what I now recognize as a nation of burnout. 2020 was tough year and toward the end of it I was incorrectly distrustful of my furloughed coworkers who got a long break and additional unemployment money. I is a well-known fact that their situation effected a good deal of anxiety for them, but in my burnout I fell into some self-pity.

One commenter affected the claw on the brain seeing a big piece of my rancour. Those on furlough continued to accrue vacation time so came back to lots of time that carried over into 2021 and additional occasion that had to be used by end of year. So I ceased up operating through the holidays while my recently returned coworkers had to take that time off or lose it.

But I'm in a better place now and enjoying my job and being able to spend time with these coworkers who are actually really cool people.

3. Applying to chores at home while waiting to travel abroad for a different one (# 5 at the link)

Unfortunately, due to the ever changing travel limiteds my flights to work abroad were cancelled then delayed then cancelled again, on top of changing visa requirements. The postponement wanted I had to withdraw from the position as I couldn't yield to be indefinitely out of work and I needed to start a real job search( unfortunately the part-time work I'd hoped for did not materialise either ). It was heartbreaking and I hated telling them down but it's a cluttered situation all round.

I sent a few speculative emails to firms I wanted to work for( who are open to that sort of thing) and applied to two really great opportunities, again with fellowships I would be excited to work for. I had a good look at your flood word advisory opinions and the patterns you've shared, and wholly reworked my approaching to them.

I got a great response to one of my speculative emails and an furnish for one of my employments! I had the first interview at the beginning of April, the second a week later, the proposal the week after that and a start date the week after that. It was fast.

So here I am. Still in the country with an exciting new enterprise in a great company and in my preferred industry!

Your advice has really been invaluable and not just with my window-dressing note; I feel like my entire approach to work and employment is healthier because of it.

4. Can I ask that an underperforming coworker not be included on important part ? (# 4 at the link)

Some very unexpected good report: the co-worker, after more than 10 years of mediocre-to-poor achievement and incredibly unprofessional behavior...changed.

She put her silent treatment, started engaging in group meetings with good the proposals and questions, improved her posture towards clients, and started actually doing work to resolve cases.

I don't know what precipitated this convert -- perhaps her administrator reached his breaking point the same time I did( I was very much returning trouble to sender, and we were receiving external grievances) -- or maybe working from home* truly* agrees with her.

She's been doing so much better that she received her first( small-scale) promotion in years after 10 months of this new attitude and skill.

I hope the improvement attaches! It's been such a relief.

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